From April 21, 2009
The song "Behind the Scenes" by Francesca Battistelli talks about a great performance despite the chaotic events that go on behind the scenes. But she's not talking about a show. It's reality.
Whether you realize it or not, other people are watching you. They watch your attitude, your conversations, your behavior...And you do the same thing. Now, I've become an expert in putting on a facade in front of other people. No matter what they say, people have expectations of you. I feel like my life is being lived under a microscope because when my family does something, it doesn't go unnoticed. It is hard to get five people to put up a front all the time. Not everyone can "pretend" all the time. Our house has always been "the safe place" for us. No matter what happened anywhere else, we can say what we need to say and we aren't judged. But sometimes I get so caught up in this "performace" that I don't allow myself to be me. I forget that there are actually people who aren't looking at me with high expectations. I can say the right words, words I want to believe to be true, but that doesn't mean my actions back them up. If someone asked me what was wrong and I said "I'm fine", I'd better have a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye. People aren't stupid. They know when you're lying. Most of the time, they accept your answer and wait for you to come out with the truth. Sometimes that drives us nuts because we know that they know and they don't do anything about it.
I'm almost positive this didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. My biggest problem with these blogs is I have so many thoughts that I can't really put them into words. I'm sure you get the point though.
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