Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side? That's what they tell us.
He was dared? It's possible. It's hard to get the full story in seven words.
A 2 for 1 sale on sailor suits? Unlikely.
We cross the road for many reasons. Maybe who or what we need is on the other side. Maybe everyone else is doing it. Maybe we've been dared or told we can't do it. Or maybe it's as simple as th sidewalk ending.
Everyone is at one of those points. Maybe you're looking for that special someone to spend the rest of your life with. Or maybe that was the only way you tought you could prove your love to them. You could be the followered, afraid you'll get left behind or made fun of if you don't. Oh, I know! You're trying to prove something.
I'm caught between a stop sign and a green light. I want to step on the gas and get on with this journey but I'm questioning my motives. Am I doing this because I want to? Am I afraid of disappointing my family and friends? Am I doing this to prove my enemies wrong?
Over the past few weeks, I've come to fear simple words I used to love.
"I'm proud of you!"
"You're going to do great!"
"We expect great things from you!"
Everytime I hear them, I swear a truckload of guilt comes over me.
Why?
I am doubting everything. Did I look at all my options? Did I decide to quickly? Can I really handle this? Is this God or Satan? How can the stepping stones lead to what seems like an 8-lane highway? If they're excited, shouldn't I be, too?
It's funny how this question is different for everyone. Maybe you've been moving at a safe pace on a quiet country road and now you've come to the intersection. You've got to merge with traffic at a speed you can't comprehend. Perhaps the feat looked too easy, you got cocky, and now you're leaving before it's too late.
Or maybe you're the high school graduate who spent 8-12th grade homeschooled, secluded herself from the world, has zero people skills, has no special talents like her friends and family, and decided she wants to move four hours away even though she has no license, no car, and no job, and she wants to be a psychologist?
Ironic, isn't it?
You see, I'm not a C*, S*, D*, A*, or S*. I don't just jump into things right away. I don't make friends easily. Good grades are something I have to work hard at. I'm not what you'd expect for a pastor's kid. Okay, maybe I'm exactly what you'd expect. But it's not my choice. If I could change all of these things, I would. But there comes that question again - "Why?"
Am I changing them because I feel like a failure without them?
Will my parents, etc. be proud of me for it?
Do I need more friends?
Are my grades not good enough?
Was being a pastor's kid really that bad.
Let me tell you the answers before you leave me comments:
I know I'm not a failure. I've made it this far with what I have I should be proud of that.
My parents are proud of me. (Remember the fear-striking words)
I have amazing friends! It's always nice to make new friends, though.
I have a 3.6 GPA. (For doing it mostly on my own, too.)
And no, it wasn't. I complain way too much. (Sorry about that!)
I know I'm not the only one at the end of thir sidewalk. I have to cross the road at some point. I just pray that when I do, it's for the right reasons.
(*This wasn't the blog from before. I mean, the topic, etc. was, but as far as the whole formation, it's not. I liked the other one better but this is all I could remember. One of those caught in the moment things I guess and now it's gone. But thanks for reading!*)
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