ASP 2010

I went with Bessemer Presbyterian Church to Winfield, Tennessee from July 17-24. I participated in a project called Appalachia Service Project or ASP. I expected to be shocked. I was. I expected to be changed. I did. I expected to grow. Boy, did I grow. Not just spiritually, but I think in all areas. I mean, my muscles sure got a work out! My opinion and outlook on my team changed. But I think for the first time, I saw complete strangers as my brothers and sisters in Christ. I mean REALLY saw us as one body working toward a common goal for different people to glorify one God. It was an amazing thing to experience. It may not sound too impacting, but for someone who has done her very best not to let her heart become bitter toward her fellow believers, this was huge. In a totally new and pain-free way, too.
“It’s a metaphor!” I said it all week. I can’t help that everything I saw, heard, and did were metaphors. (I’m an English major, whataya expect?) Everything from the fruit loops we at for breakfast to texturing a ceiling to a leaky hallway were spiritual metaphors. The one that sticks out in my mind was day one on the roof for me. The roof was tore apart. There was a hold from where Alex put his foot through it, tools and cords spread across the panels, and screws and nails glistened in the sun creating a minefield. One wrong step and I was a goner. So, Alex put me in charge of nailing down the bases for the roof. I was fine with that until he told me where he wanted them. Uh...did he know that falling was pretty much the only thing I was good at this week? Of course not! But everyone else was doing what they were supposed to so I did it. The first six nails went great. I was very proud. I slowly inched my way up and nailed the next row. The closer I got to the edge, the harder I prayed. This happened for about four rows. I found myself with one left to do and there was no way I was getting it done. I looked around and found no one else on the roof. Now the last thing Alex said to me was “Now don’t you go falling off the roof.” Yeah...right. So, Sam (the man we worked for) came out and got Alex for me. He got the nail and everyone went back to work.
What’s the metaphor, you ask? Even though I was scared out of my mind, I still did what I needed to do. Yes, I needed help toward the end, but I turned to my brothers and sisters in Christ and they helped me out. No questions asked. I pray that now I’m back, I don’t lose sight of this. It may seem silly or shallow, but it was impacting for me, nonetheless.
That was just one of the “God moments” (every moment is a God moment!) that happened that week. No one was injured, no one got sick (well, at the worksite!), no one died...it was a good week. Some tempers were tested but never lost. It was a productive week. We met the sweetest man with the saddest story. I will never forget him.
We had fun, too. Johnny Cash and Jerry Lee Lewis sing-a-longs all week in the van. Jerry! Late-night Sonic trips for devotionals. Air mattresses. “Grace? She died 30 years ago!” Olivia’s gray hair.
I had a great week with a group of people I did not know. It is crazy how you have to travel 500 miles with someone you’ve been acquaintances with pretty much your whole life before you get to know them. I learned that some people are just...well...beautiful.
Potato. Potahto. Either way you spin it, it was a humbling experience I will truly cherish. I will never forget this trip. I cannot wait to join ASP next summer.

A blessing and a curse?

Everything has an equal and opposite reaction, right? There wouldn't be a top if there wasn't a bottom. There wouldn't be a good if their wasn't an evil.

I'm learning (quite painfully, I might add) about how my actions, thoughts, and feelings have good consequences and bad ones.

I love my family and friends. I put up with a lot of crap from them, too. But I still love them. I'm terrified of what might happen to them. I'm scared for them and their consequences. I know that I must let them live their lives and learn from their mistakes but I can't help but get involved. That causes friction and "talks from Mom" on how I'm only their sister or friend and there's nothing I can do. A blessing and a curse.

Because of my insanely infinite love for these people in my life, I want to be a part of everything they do. I don't wanna be so caught up in my own life that I don't seem to care about what is going on in their lives. So maybe I've missed out on some opportunities. That doesn't mean I won't get others. But I've seen too many people lose people they love and wished they would've spent more time with them. I don't want to do that. But I don't want to miss out on my own life, either. I need to find a balance which is harder than I thought. A blessing and a curse.

I guess what I'm trying to do is gain some independence but not lose sight of what is important. To not forget where I come from and what's going on. I never, ever want to be too busy to call Mom or meet Dad for coffee. But I want to have a career, a social life, and a great life in general. But no one can do that for me anymore. I'm 19 years old. It's time I start acting like it.