Honest Cries of the Exasperated Soul

Dear God,

Same old story. I'm asking You for guidance in what You want me to do with this life You've given me. My life feels like a roller coaster. One day, I'm content, and the next day I'm wishing I hadn't gotten on the ride. So many obstacles, challenges and variables to be considered. There are so many options. But all anyone is saying is "What is it that you want to do?" That's just it. I want to do what You want me to do. The problem is I don't know what that is. I think about the disciples and how they gave up everything and followed You. I don't feel that passion. But I want to. More than anything, I want to follow You with reckless abandon. I want to be willing to give it all up without a second thought.

I want know why You are putting us through this. There, I said it. I'm tired of thinking everything happens for a reason. I don't think it does. I feel like our prayers are bouncing off the sky. Your Word says You hear them and that everything will come to us in time. But how long do we have to wait? How long do I have to wait? I've been searching for a place to belong for years and have yet to find it. Will I ever? Or am I destined to be a loner? I know what the Bible says, but this isn't words on a page...this is my life! I want to know why I am all over the place. Why can't I find a career that's right for me when I've been praying to You for years about it? Why is it when I think I've found it, You tell me no and then keep quiet for a while? And then I do it all over again! WHY?

Faithfully, we have served You. For as long as I can remember, we have put You before anything else. Why do we feel like that wasn't good enough? Why do we feel like we're on a waiting list? All we want are answers. We're not asking for a
million dollars or all of our wishes to come true. We just want answers.

I am crying out to You like I always have only now my heart is heavy. My soul is tired. My mind is overwhelmed. I can't wait any longer. What am I supposed to do until You decide it's time to reveal Yourself to me? Before You show Your magnificent plan for my life? I am drowning in a sea of bitterness and I desperately want out. I don't want to end up resenting You or Your people. I simply want security and confirmation of Your hand at work in my life. Right now, I don't see it. I haven't for a while. This prayers has probably seemed bitter and angry. That's because I am. God, I'm sorry for my thoughts and actions. Please, just let us know You're still there.

Love,
Your daughter