"Maybe I will never be who I was before. Maybe I don't even know her anymore..."

The song is playing in my head. It doesn't end. Over and over I hear that line. I'm scared to death to admit it, but I think it's right. I'm not the same person I was. The past three years have been absolute chaos for my life. Inside and out. I try so very hard to hide it. Most of the time, I do pretty well. Other times, I just can't help but show it. I gotta say, for someone who wants so much out of her life, she sure doesn't expect to get it. I hate that about myself. Why do I let myself get this way? Unrecognizable. Unbearable. Unlike me. But then again, who am I? I don't even know anymore. The things I loved doing, I feel like I have to drag myself to do them. The things that I was satisfied with are no longer making me happy. Maybe it's growing pains. Yeah, I'm sure it is. That awful feeling when you know everything is changing and there is nothing you can do to stop it? Yeah, I have that all the time. It's not like when we moved or when Dad lost his job. It's different. It's personal. One of my favorite lyrics from "The Call" by Regina Spektor is Just because everything's changing doesn't mean it's never been this way before. I guess it's all about perspective. Things will always change. It's inevitable. Sometimes things change the same way they did before, but we don't see it that way. We're not the same people we were before. We've grown up. Matured. Gained experience. I guess that's kind of the point, huh? The question remains, though: Who am I now?