I ain't got no car
And I’ve got one pair of jeans
They've been stretched too far
And now they're weak at the seams
I can't say what's next
And I got nothing up my sleeve
But I don't lose my head
‘Cause it ain't really up to me
And I'm doing just fine I’m always landing on my feet,
In the nick of time, and by the skin of my teeth
I ain't gonna stress cause the worst ain't happened yet
Something’s watching over me like Sweet Serendipity
I don't ask for a lot
No, nothing more than I need
Because I love what I got
Don't need to play the lottery
I just wanna be strong
At the end of the road
I don't want to hold on I want the strength to let go
And I'm doing just fine I’m always landing on my feet
In the nick of time, and by the skin of my teeth
I ain't gonna stress cause the worst ain't happened yet
Something’s watching over me like Sweet Serendipity
And what will be will be
In the nick of time and by the skin of my teeth
I ain’t gonna stress cause the worst ain’t happened yet
Something’s watching over me like Sweet Serendipity
Don't look fate can only find you
You can't choose for something to surprise you
Set sail without a destination
Just see where the wind will take you
You never know where you’re gonna fall
But I’m not worried, oh I’m not worried at all
Welcome to the lessons I am learning, the memories I am making, and the humor created along the way.
10.31.2010
10.26.2010
I'm afraid it's been too long to try to find the reasons why
I let my world close in around a smaller patch of fading sky
But now I've grown beyond the walls to where I've never been
And it's still winter in my wonderland
I'm waiting for the world to fall
I'm waiting for the scene to change
I'm waiting when the colors come
I'm waiting to let my world come undone
I let my world close in around a smaller patch of fading sky
But now I've grown beyond the walls to where I've never been
And it's still winter in my wonderland
I'm waiting for the world to fall
I'm waiting for the scene to change
I'm waiting when the colors come
I'm waiting to let my world come undone
10.05.2010
When the caterpillar thinks his world is ending, he becomes a butterfly...
I'm no stranger to feeling overwhelmed. That's a part of life. But lately (okay, for the past three years or so), I've had a constant, never-ending battle with these feelings of being overwhelmed. Quite frankly, I'm done.
I'm hanging onto the knot I've tied at the end of my rope.
I thrive on taking care of others. I would much rather spend the day cleaning the house for my parents than go to a movie for me. It's what I do. It's, like, second nature to me. I often get into trouble with it, too. This past Saturday, I got, well, (I don't want to say "yelled at" because I wasn't, but the point was clearly expressed with an elevated vocal level and a stern tone) because I wasn't doing anything for myself. I was too concerned with making everyone else happy that I was making myself miserable. That is both true and false. While, like I said before, I thrive on it, I tend to focus all of my energy on that instead of important questions like "What do I want to do with your life?" or "What is it that I like doing?" In my last blog, I said that I don't know who I am anymore and I think it might be just a matter of perspective when it comes to dealing with the same situations just different people and/or locations. I am just overwhelmed with school, family, friends, these changes going on inside of me that I can't make heads or tails of. Questioning my existence, my passions, everything I've ever thought was right. I shouldn't be, but I am. Albert Einstein said "You cannot solve a problem with the same consciousness that created it." Something has to change and since the problems won't, I must. I want to break out of this funk I've been in for three year. I want to be able to look in the mirror and actually love the person I see looking back at me. Right now she is a stranger and I can't deal with her anymore.
I don't know if I should be posting this or not. I don't know if my parents still read this or if they'll appreciate me saying this but I'm going to. It's a significant part to this post. I have decided to take a break from church. I am dealing with stuff and I don't want church getting in the way. (Before you comment saying that church people are there to help, I get it. I do. I know that God is there, too, but that's not the point.) I think I just need some time to be lost. To search for my life and the person I want to be.
I just wish I could afford it. I can't get a job...ANYWHERE! Not even flipping burgers at Dairy Queen or stocking shelves at Giant Eagle. No one wants me. I've searched for a year for a part-time job. Nothing. "You don't have what we're looking for." What does that even mean? How qualified do you have to be to work at WalMart or McDonald's? Of course, there's the small hindering detail that I don't have a license. I don't want my license, though. But I'd have a ride to work, though. I either want to move to the city where I can catch a bus to work or find a Stars Hollow type town and live happily ever after there.
But all of that is far away. Unfortunately, I'm stuck in the "too close to home" zone. Not physically, but mentally.
Too many tears. Too many desperate pleas. Too many unanswered questions. Too many problems. Too many possibilities. Too many people. Too many restless nights. Too many posts about my feelings of being overwhelmed, not being good enough, not knowing who I am, and all of the above.
...by the way, I'm still waiting for my butterfly...
I'm hanging onto the knot I've tied at the end of my rope.
I thrive on taking care of others. I would much rather spend the day cleaning the house for my parents than go to a movie for me. It's what I do. It's, like, second nature to me. I often get into trouble with it, too. This past Saturday, I got, well, (I don't want to say "yelled at" because I wasn't, but the point was clearly expressed with an elevated vocal level and a stern tone) because I wasn't doing anything for myself. I was too concerned with making everyone else happy that I was making myself miserable. That is both true and false. While, like I said before, I thrive on it, I tend to focus all of my energy on that instead of important questions like "What do I want to do with your life?" or "What is it that I like doing?" In my last blog, I said that I don't know who I am anymore and I think it might be just a matter of perspective when it comes to dealing with the same situations just different people and/or locations. I am just overwhelmed with school, family, friends, these changes going on inside of me that I can't make heads or tails of. Questioning my existence, my passions, everything I've ever thought was right. I shouldn't be, but I am. Albert Einstein said "You cannot solve a problem with the same consciousness that created it." Something has to change and since the problems won't, I must. I want to break out of this funk I've been in for three year. I want to be able to look in the mirror and actually love the person I see looking back at me. Right now she is a stranger and I can't deal with her anymore.
I don't know if I should be posting this or not. I don't know if my parents still read this or if they'll appreciate me saying this but I'm going to. It's a significant part to this post. I have decided to take a break from church. I am dealing with stuff and I don't want church getting in the way. (Before you comment saying that church people are there to help, I get it. I do. I know that God is there, too, but that's not the point.) I think I just need some time to be lost. To search for my life and the person I want to be.
I just wish I could afford it. I can't get a job...ANYWHERE! Not even flipping burgers at Dairy Queen or stocking shelves at Giant Eagle. No one wants me. I've searched for a year for a part-time job. Nothing. "You don't have what we're looking for." What does that even mean? How qualified do you have to be to work at WalMart or McDonald's? Of course, there's the small hindering detail that I don't have a license. I don't want my license, though. But I'd have a ride to work, though. I either want to move to the city where I can catch a bus to work or find a Stars Hollow type town and live happily ever after there.
But all of that is far away. Unfortunately, I'm stuck in the "too close to home" zone. Not physically, but mentally.
Too many tears. Too many desperate pleas. Too many unanswered questions. Too many problems. Too many possibilities. Too many people. Too many restless nights. Too many posts about my feelings of being overwhelmed, not being good enough, not knowing who I am, and all of the above.
...by the way, I'm still waiting for my butterfly...
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