Sometimes, you just really want to believe people.

They're not necessarily lying,

but you can tell that something is wrong.

Something they're not telling you.

And yet, you're clueless.

You're mind starts to imagine all of the possible reasons for their behavior.

Was it something I did?

Said?

Or didn't do or say?

Did I forget something?

Did I put down something important to them?

Your mind just races.

And when you ask them, all you get is a

"I'm fine, just ______."

You think, At me? At who?

They say,

"No, not you. I promise."

And yet, you're not convinced.

You can't help but know that something is not right.

You feel as if it's your fault.

If it wasn't about you, they'd be willing to talk about it.

Right?

That's okay, though.

Because until they decide to talk about it,

I'm planning the whole conversation in my head.

If they don't follow the script,

well...

then, I'm gonna have to improvise.

Until then, let the imagination run wild!

Something needs repaired. 

 What do you use?
Band-aid?

Tape?

Super-glue?

Sauntering gun?
Sewing kit?

I guess it depends on what you're repairing.

But what if it was your heart? 

Your mind? 

Your attitude?

Most people look for a quick-fix.

A band-aid or tape will hold things together until they heal, but taking them off is a nightmare. 

Superglue hardens. 

Sauntering is messy and, chances are, you'll get burned.

But a sewing kit is probably the best choice. 

Though it takes longer and it is probably painful, think of what you'll save yourself in the future. 

I've decided that I'm tired of quick-fixes. 

I'm tired of having to soften my heart from the painful experiences throughout my life.

I want my heart to be a patchwork quilt.

Starting now.

Let the painful emotions begin!

'M' as in Misson Meadows

This is not a blog.

Repeat. This is not a blog.

If this were a blog,

I'd be breaking the

"I swear, I won't blog this!"

promise I made to a few people.

I choose to call this a

"public record for future reminiscing purposes."

See? Not a blog.

Jerrilyn invited me to go to New York with her church. Only a small part of me was hesitant. (Something I'm glad to say I'm getting over...finally!) My trip started on Thursday, though, because she also invited me to her school's Faculty Minute To Win It. That was fun...even with the 25 elementary girls screaming in front of us. We went back to her house and watched "To Save A Life"...freakin' awesome! I'll admit, I was kind of on the fence about it because certain people said it was good and I don't agree with anything they say. But it was really a great movie. It makes you think about all of the people you encounter everyday and what they're going through that you don't know about.

We left Friday morning and I really didn't know what I was getting myself into. I had only ever met the church family two or three times. I had only met Mikael (Jerrilyn's best friend) once. I'm intimidated by people so I was nervous..kind of. Being the only people there for the first hours helped take my mind off of it. That, and the Marco Polo/nerf gun/assassin game we played for what seemed like hours. By the time the others had arrived, I realized that unless I laughed the whole weekend, I would probably say things I shouldn't. Do you know what I mean? I just don't understand maturity levels at all. Does that make me immature? I don't get how people can act years younger than they are all the time while others act years older. There should be some sort of balance, I think. Maybe because that's what I do...well, I try to do at least.

Anywho, we played Apples to Apples. It was during this game that Mikael told me how the Atomic Bomb 2 was going to be made...and to think it will all start with a spam e-mail! Carpet ball, air hockey, pool, ping-pong, dodgeball, noodle fights, basketball, volleyball, Life...all of that stuff happened that weekend. There was some "homemade pazza!!", anger management demonstrations, "naked" people, pranks, energy drinks, Lady Gaga, a weird dog/moose/deer/cow sculpture, and a barricaded door. There was a bug in the light, grape juice, Slim Jims, a rock wall, fireworks (or nerf gun darts), and an endless joke about my eating like a bird and having to put everything in a ziploc bag to keep fresh.

We had devotionals, which were good. Though I don't agree with the beliefs of the man who wrote the book we studied, I agree with his philosophy. Pastor John had service and communion on Sunday. We also went to the Polar Plunge on Lake Chautauqua. First time walking on something frozen that wasn't my driveway. I wore the wrong shoes for it, though. The shoe got stuck in the snow and I had to dig it out. Poor Jerrilyn was in a "bad mood" on the way home. Mikael writing on her face with a Sharpie probably had something to do with it. :)

But they had the last laugh when they realized I was allergic to pretty much everything. They were completely taken with my epiPen and wanted to use it. So, they plotted my demise. "What if you accidentally had oranges in your spaghetti? And then accidentally drank orange juice because we mixed it with your cranberry juice?" They decided they would accompany me to my doctors appointment in a few weeks to ask my doctor exactly what would happen if I ate this stuff. Aren't they just the greatest friends?! Yeah...I thought so, too.

But they were the sources behind some positive peer pressure. While they have no idea what they did, I'm still stewin' over what they said and pretty sure I'm going to act upon it.

So how did you like this "public record for future reminiscing purposes"? Yeah, it was pretty great. I didn't elaborate on much, because I figured you probably don't care enough to know everything that went on, but it's okay. I have a list! :P That I wrote down in my notebook. That I bought. In New York. Because I'm lame. But now I have this awesome PRFRP. Who's laughing now?

Wise Words from Fox Mulder. (Yes...that Fox Mulder!)

“Maybe it's other people's reactions to us that makes us who we are.”

I tweeted this quote a LONG time ago.

Even my dad was like "Really, Caitlin? X-Files?"

But, nevertheless, it's is a great quote.

So, go ahead and tell me the truth.

I'll be a better person because of it.

:)

This post is not really for anyone but me. I need to publicly express my feelings. I miss Abby. We spent everyday together. She was mean to me. I was mean to her. She would steal my phone (which I had a dream about last night!). She would make me watch "School of Rock" and "Spongebob" every single day. She never liked my movies (except for "Sleepover"). When I made her eat fruit, she'd role her eyes at me. When I stated the obvious she'd respond "Uh, I know..." with far too much attitude for someone her age. I can't tell you how many times I was sent to detention when we played school. Dance parties. Craft time. Snow days. I miss The Sass Master. Maybe I should have her over for a slumber party? Yeah...definitely...just when? Hmm? I don't know. The stupid snow has ruined all of the "days off" on the calendar. We'll see...

So here's to you, Abby Grace...thanks for haunting my dreams last night!