Inside My "Tangled" Mind: Episode One.

Everyone knows my obsession with this movie. Christmas Day 2010 was day one. December 26, 2010 was the day I made all of my ringtones songs from the soundtrack. The next day, I changed my computer background (before it completely broke) to the scene from the "I See the Light" number. And this goes on...

Well, it's no doubt I bought the DVD the day it came out. I spent the last few dollars I had on this amazing movie. Aislinn and I sat down to watch it. I think the movie gets better the more you watch it. Of course, there's the obvious sing-a-longs since you know all the words now. But you also pick up on things you didn't before - facial expressions, dialogue, references to random things.

March 29, 2011: Watching this movie hit me...hard. I've been struggling for the better part of my life with my dreams, goals, calling, etc. I'm stuck in a tower. While people know I'm there, no one's scaled the tower to get me out. I've never been one to need, or admit I need, others help but everyone needs a push now and then.

Then one glorious, fate-designated day, frying pan in hand, I find myself on the other side of the wall. The ground is warm, the wind is inviting, and I can hear the world calling me.

One minute I'm giddy and happy. The next, full of regret. Then I'm excited and anxious, followed by fear and doubt.

Exactly how I feel.

Some days, I feel like swinging from the trees screaming "Best! Day! Ever!" Next thing I know, I'm face down on the ground, crying because I made a mistake.

Only one major difference in the story: I don't have Eugene Fitzherbert.

You know, that one person that is brought into your life by something, call it what you will: fate, destiny...a horse...

 they help you face your fears, help you make your dreams come true, and challenge you to find new dreams.

Doesn't that sounds amazing?!

Maybe it's just me being the day dreamer that I am but I'm holding out for Eugene Fitzherbert.
I know there's one out there. 

He'll be patient with me during my moments of joy and regret.

He'll protect me from a band of singing thugs.

We'll use my magic hair that glows when I sing to rescue us when the dam breaks and we're drowning.

...oh wait...

And after we've seen the floating lanterns, we'll realize our new dreams are each other.

No matter what people put in our way, we'll be okay.

And he will be able to give me a beautiful hair cut with a piece of broken glass and one hand as he's dying. 

Yeah, he's that good.

Wow, now that I look at this, it started out as a direct metaphor of my life, and turned into a post about me needing a Eugene. I'm not sure how that happened. I think it has something to do with my dreams. Haha! 

Thanks for listening anyway...this is what I was writing while I couldn't sleep last night. If it doesn't make sense it's because it was about 2 a.m. :)

How can you miss someone who doesn't exist?

I have very vivid dreams.

I've woken up literally more exhausted than when I went to sleep.

The dreams are so real that I wake up wishing they were.

The people in my dreams are so amazing.

But not, too amazing.

The plots are believable and almost a deja vu with different people.

 So, while this post is merely for me,

I just want to ask...

...

...am I the only one who wakes up sad when she realizes none of her dreams are real?

Am I the only one who prefers her subconscious to her reality?

Am I the only one who wishes the people in her dreams were real?

The only thing I could think of this morning was

DRATS!

Say What?

I've made a decision

...

and

...

it's no longer anyone's business.

I'll let you know afterward.

Apparently, even my best friends don't believe anything that comes out of my mouth.

Talk about stabbing me in the back.

Well...I don't care.

I should've taken care of this problem a long time ago.

And I think I'm going to.

Always Winter, Never Christmas

This has been the longest winter.

No, seriously.

I have never longed for warmer weather in my life.

And then when we get decent weather (60 degrees), the next day it's in the 30's.

I just don't get it.

Of course, as you know by now, I'm not just talking about the actual weather.

A post on weather would be lame.

No, I'm talking about my life.

My life, as I've mentioned before, hasn't been exactly the way I wanted.

I mean, take Narnia for example.

"Always winter, never Christmas."

That's how I felt.

It was going to be cold, dark, and bitter for the rest of my life.

I longed for the days that four strangers walked into my life and changed it forever.

Unfortunately, that never happened.

Until I least expected it.

Isn't that how it works though?

You wait, and wait, and wait...think you've given up...and then

BAM!

Someone comes into your life and you think

"Really? You're the one I've been waiting for?"

And they have no idea.
(Yes, these people have been mentioned in previous posts.)

I can't mention specifics right now because it's a work in progress.

Just sit back and read my future posts, you'll be as amazed as I am.

But, I've felt like I have had no choice but to bundle up and brave the wind and snow.

It seemed to never stop.

And when I'd catch a glimpse of the sun, it disappeared.

Just as quickly as it appeared.

It came to the point where I didn't want to leave the house.

Why should I?
Of course, I couldn't help but think "There are people with far worse circumstances and here I am wallowing in self-pity"

It was a hard thing to come out of though.

No job, no idea what I wanted to do with my life, no sense of self-worth.

Always winter.

But, with these people who miraculously walked into my life, I've noticed a change.

My attitude is different.
My outlook is optimistic.

And my self-confidence (though still hanging by a thread) is growing.

So thank you for your prayers.

I'm feeling them.

And holding tight to the words found in the songs posted below.

Love you all!

(And I'm sorry if this post doesn't make sense...my day has been frustrating!!)

My heart is so proud. My mind is so unfocused
I see the things You do through me as great things I have done. And now You gently break me, then lovingly You take me and hold me as my father and mold me as my maker.
I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abound?"
And you answer: " My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the pow'r of My daily sufficient grace."
At times I may grow weak and feel a bit discouraged, knowing that someone, somewhere could do a better job.
For who am I to serve You? I know I don't deserve You.
And that's the part that burns in my heart and keeps me hanging on.
As I walk with You, I'm learning what Your grace really means.
The price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary.
So, instead of trying to repay You, I'm learning to simply obey You by giving up my life to you for all that You've given to me.
--Grace - Laura Story

I don’t really know how long forever is

But that’s how long I’m gonna give my life
Everything I face, it tries to tear me down
No I won’t back away from the sacrifice
I won’t forget what you’re love means to me
You’re always there to light my way
When all the lights go down and the world is quiet
No one is around
I wanna be the same man that will serve you then
Like I serve you now
That my convictions never change
O let my need for you remain
As real as the moment I was saved
I will always stand amazed
Sometimes my heart desires such selfish things
When the moment comes help me to trust
Something better that you have for me
If I could just hold on to you enough
I won’t forget what you’re love means to me
You’re always there to light my way
You will be my strength when I am weak
When I wanna give in and not turn the other cheek
Let this be the prayer that I speak
That I speak
--Stand Amazed - 33Miles

This is the first post in a while.

I know you missed me.

But my computer is broken so I'm using Aislinn's.

We are currently watching "Easy A"

Emma Stone is hilarious!!

Anywho, the point of this post is to once again prove my friends right.

I'm going to share with you what's been going on in my life since I deemed Cinderella unworthy.

Last weekend I went on what I thought would be the most terrifying adventure of my life.

Ice skating.

Everyone knows I'm not the most coordinated person ever.

In fact, I've proven that time and time again.

So it's no question as to why I was worried.

I mean, terrified.

Mikael, Jerrilyn, Dan, and I went to the movies.

Battle:Los Angeles - not what I was expecting.

Pretty intense. And not gonna see it again.

But after that, and after a tasty bowl of brocolli cheddar soup from Panera,

we went to Ice Zone.

Mikael was so sure this idea was amazing that he was giddy.

He fell...twice.

I, on the other hand, only fell...oh, wait...I didn't fall...at all!!

Unfortunately, Mikael is now in a cast.

But, after that, we went to church where I learned to be thankful!

And I served soup to complete strangers.

But I guess the point of this story,

I was terrified to do something so stupid like skating.

And I ROCKED at it!!

It wasn't smooth sailing at first, but I got it.

And, once again, I was challenged by people who don't even know it.

Life is looking good.

Yay me!

Do you think Cinderella ever thought she was unworthy of cleaning a house?

Now, I'm one of those people who knows what she believes, stands firm in those beliefs, and doesn't let anyone tell her she's wrong.

And I mean about everything.

Abortion sucks.

Surrogacy is science fiction.

The death penalty is a necessity.

Murders should die the same when they killed.

Immigrants should learn to speak our language, not the other way around.

Yada, yada, yada...

Now, if you don't believe the same way I do, I don't judge you. I don't hold them against you. My opinion of you does not change. If it does, it's usually for the better. I have more respect for you.

If you used in vitro or surrogacy, I don't hate you or your methods. I just think there are other ways to get a child. Like, the millions of children that need adopted.

If you killed someone, and changed your ways, that's great. But you still have to face your punishment.

If you're an immigrant, WELCOME TO OUR COMPLETELY SCREWED UP COUNTRY!!

And why is it screwed up? Personally, I think it's because of the reasons I listed above...and a boat load of other reasons.

Same-sex marriage.

Wrong.

Completely against the Bible.

While I believe it's a sin and should not be legalized, I don't hate the people I know who are.

Trust me, I know plenty of people who are "out of the closet"...I still love them like I always did. The only thing that's changed is the acceptance of complete honesty.

And yet people who were "raised better" and know Scripture believe in equal rights. I don't understand that. I don't hold it against them.

Now, I'm not gonna lie...I think church denominations are stupid.

S-T-U-P-I-D!

I think it's just a way for people to twist the Bible to say what they want it to say and then convince the world that it's the only way to believe.

I know, that's probably harsh. But think about it...

There is a pastor in the town we used to live in. Her husband is undergoing a gender reassignment operation. They will remained married. Uh....how wrong is that? AND...the church is on board with it. Why? "Because we're to love everyone."

Agreed, we are.

But a position of leadership should not be compromised like that.

A sin is a sin, no matter how extreme. I believe that whether you're blaspheming or killing someone, I don't think it makes a difference.

A short, unorganized mini-rant. Thanks for listening!