Singing the same old song...

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger

And it's so quiet in the world tonight

Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming

So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light

To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret

I'd give all I have, honey

If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart

And no one will desert you

Just try to never grow up, never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies

And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off

At 14 there's just so much you can't do

And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots

But don't make her drop you off around the block

Remember that she's getting older too

And don't lose the way that you dance around in your PJ's getting ready for school

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple

No one's ever burned you, nothing's ever left you scarred

And even though you want to, just try to never grow up

 

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room

Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home

Remember the footsteps, remember the words said

And all your little brother's favorite songs

I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

 

So here I am in my new apartment

In a big city, they just dropped me off

It's so much colder that I thought it would be

So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up

I wish I'd never grown up

Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up

I could still be little

Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up

It could still be simple

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple

Won't let nobody hurt you

Won't let no one break your heart

And even though you want to, please try to never grow up

Oh, don't you ever grow up

Oh, never grow up, just never grow up

 

 

 

 

I've been searching for a reason

And I'm running out of time

I can feel that it's the season

It's time to make up my mind

And I can't really tell you what I'm gonna do

There are so many thoughts in my head

There are two roads to walk down and one road to choose

So I'm thinking over the things that you've said

Thinking over the things...

I'm thinking over

Thinking over

Thinking over

The things that you've said

And I'm thinking over

Thinking over

Thinking over the things...

Am I ready for forever?

Oh, God, show me a sign

'Cause if we're to be together

Then it's got to be divine

And I can't really tell you what I'm gonna do

There are so many thoughts in my head

There are two roads to walk down and one road to choose

So I'm thinking over the things that you've said

Thinking over the things...

I'm thinking over

Thinking over

Thinking over

The things that you've said

And I'm thinking over

Thinking over

Thinking over the things...

Father, which way should I go?

I cannot clearly see...

Thinking over

The things that you've said

I'm thinking over

Thinking over

Only you know if he's the one for me

I cant really tell you

What I'm gonna do

There are so many thoughts in my head

There are two roads to walk down

And one road to choose

So I'm thinking over

The things that you've said

 

Thinking over

Thinking over

Great Scott!!! I can't even begin to tell you how much of a horrible person I feel like. And why do I feel so crummy?

Because once again, I'm a stop sign, caught between a green light and a stop sign. I am so ready to get on with my life but I have nothing to get me there. I've been walking for miles. Just when I get to what seems like a promising destination, the door closes. So I keep walking. And I keep looking for those open doors. Sometimes I go through the doors, don't like what I see, and walk right back out.

The question is "Why don't I like I what I see?" Am I afraid I'm going to fail? Or am I afraid to succeed? Am I afraid of getting hurt? Or actually making a friend?

I'm just afraid. I don't know how things are going to turn out. And I get nervous that I won't be able to handle the results. I hate that.

Another thing I hate about myself is that I am way too over-analytical. (Is that a word?) I think things through over and over again before I make my decision. Then once the decision is made, I mull over that, too. So the next time I make a decision, I try not to think about it and I come to regret it immediately. What gives?! Some people make it look so easy. So why am I having such a hard time with it?
I never wanted to grow up. I mean, sure I had dreams and goals that could only be achieved as an adult, but I wanted to stay in the comfort of my childhood innocence for the rest of my life. Peter Pan is to blame for that one! Do you know how many times I watched that, sang those songs, and still...here I am, writing as a 20-year old... it's just not fair. :)

Maybe this doesn't make sense. Maybe it does. But I know for me, it's all too real and getting old fast. I'm tired of struggling and - though they deny it -disappointing my friends and family.

I just don't know.

Any advice?

For all of the men and women who

willingly put their lives in danger,

fought battles we can't imagine,

witnessed things we can't comprehend,

left their families to ensure our freedom,

who sacrificed more than we could ever know

...

Thank you.

Without you, our country would be even more screwed up than it already is. :)

To my family and friends who have served or are currently serving in the U.S. military, I am most grateful for your service.

People like you give me hope.

You give us all hope.

Happy Memorial Day!

God Bless!

"Watch and you'll see someday I'll be part of your world!"

I've noticed something about myself.

And it's not something I like.

Not one bit.

I have this...wall...I guess you'd call it that...that goes up.

I hate to say it but it's almost like

"I'd love to be a part of your world,

just don't go thinking you should be a part of mine."

It's a horrible attitude.

And I must change it.

Immediately!

"...and today was one of those days"

Some days I feel...

tired,

ugly,

fat,

unappealing,

worthless,

unapproachable,

lame,

dorky,

stupid,

opinionated,

bitchy,

insecure,

cranky,

weak,

immature,

unlovable,

and invisible.

Some days I feel like...

I'll never be good enough,

I'm pushing everyone away,

I'll be better off alone,

I'm never going to be happy,

I'll never belong here,

I'll never fit in with them,

I'm never going to achieve my goals,

I'll never find my calling,

I'll never fully know exactly what I want to do with my life,

I'm never going to be "perfect",

I'm a bother,

I'm not at the point in my life as I should be,

I'll never meet my full potential,

I'll never find someone to grow old with,

I'll never grow up.

I will spend every night crying myself to sleep.

And today was one of those days.

*sigh*

Random Facts I've Recently Learned...

1. George W. Bush was a cheerleader.
2. If Queen Elizabeth can reign for five more years, she will be the longest reigning queen of England.
3. In India, cops get paid more if they grow a mustache.
4. Chuck Norris' real name is Carlos Ray Norris.
5. The entirety of Mt. Everest has 3G coverage.
6. The Golden Gate Bridge is the most common suicide location in the world.
7. Kryptonite did not originate in Superman comics.
8. The word "never" is said 73 times in Justin Beiber's "Never Say Never"
9. A murderer was stupid enough to tattoo his crime scene on his body, resulting in his arrest and conviction.
10. They have actually created plastic that can repair itself in sunlight. (Your tax dollars at work, people!)
11. Sylvester Stallone used to clean lion cages.
12. China banned pigtails in 1911.
13. Buchanan was the only president who never married.
14. Hamster wheels and hamster balls actually cause spinal injuries to the guinea pig.
15. John Quincy Adams and Herbert Hoover both had pet alligators.
16. Milton Hershey was supposed to have been on the Titanic.
17. Harry Truman's middle name is "S."
18. Scorpions are flourescent under black lights.
19. Most traffic lights don't do anything when you push the button. It's a placebo button. (Well, duh!)
20. Apparently we can add grapes and raisins to the list of things that are poisonous to dogs.
21. The big toe is actually called the "hallux"
22. The Beatles were orignally supposed to voice the voultures in "The Jungle Book"
23. There are more Godzilla movies than James Bond movies.
24. will.I.am works for Intel.
25. Kissing causes cavities.
26. People read as much as 10% slower from a screen than from paper. (I know I do)
27. The first letters of the main characters in "Incpetion" spell DREAM: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mallorie, and Saito.
28. Contrary to popular belief, you cannot suck the venom out of snake bite.
29. The word "mafia" is never said once in "The Godfather" movies.
30. Touching a toad connot give you warts.
31. It is illegal to kill Sasquatch.
32. Michael J. Fox's middle name is actually Andrew.
33. You can restore your razor blades by rubbing them on jeans.
34. Johnny Depp is afraid of clowns.
35. Most of the U.S. presidents have been left-handed.
36. Disney rejected the script for "Back to the Future"
37. Taiwan has a toilet-themed restaurant.
38. Marie Antionette's daughter was Queen of France for only 20 minutes.
39. Lincoln's mother died from drinking poisonous milk.

Okay, so that's 39 almost-useless facts for you. Here's to hoping you can use them next time you're on Jeopardy!

Have you ever hated something so much that you get sick just thinking about it?
No matter how much you try to psych yourself out, you still get sick to your stomach and want to run away?

Yeah...my life right now.

Ugh, it's hard to be so positive all the time.

These songs may be teeny-bopper songs but let me say this:

They are scary accurate to me.

"Temporary Life" has been my theme song for way too long.

"The In Crowd", too.

I should be passed this phase, right?

Or is it just getting started?

Inception

If you haven't seen "Inception" yet, don't read this post.

It contains spoilers that will ruin the movie if you haven't seen it.

But, if you don't want to see, go ahead and read it.

What do I care?

Just don't get mad at me when you realize it sounds like an awesome movie and you want to watch it, only to have the whole movie ruined by my post.

That being said, here we go...

It doesn't take me long to figure things out. When I watch any of the CSIs, etc., I usually have it all figured out. If' I'm wrong about the motive, I'm right about the suspect, or vice versa.

So, it's no surprise that I had "Inception" figured out about 25 minutes into it. What I had to figure out was all of the levels of dreams they were in. It was a complex movie at times.

Here's what I knew (the vague version):

They needed information planted into someone's subconscious.

In order to do that, they needed to go into their dreams (everyone is asleep and share one dream), and create levels. The levels allow them to go further into the subconscious.

So, we have a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream happening all at once.

Confusing, right?

At times, yes.

But what was so fascinating, for me, was that even though I had this movie figured out so quickly, I still had to figure out the significance of each dream level.

That is not always easy.

So, just how exactly am I going to relate this to my life? (You know I always do!)

In a way, I know the big picture. It's the same for everyone, really. There's a promised end result that is inevitable. We are going to die. But if we accept Christ and obey the Word, we are promised a place in Heaven. If we don't, we go to Hell. It's as simple is as that. The big picture: Living for Christ, obeying the Word, eternal reward.

However...

there is so much more to life than that.

Even though we are living for Him, we still have to go through crap to get there.

Also known as "His blessings in disguise"

We get so caught up in complaining about these trials that we don't realize how they fit into this big picture. Cliche, I know, but hear me out. I know what I'm trying to say here, even though it may take a while.

I went through a dark period (well, a couple of them actually) and I couldn't understand why my life had to be like that, especially when I was a faithful church goer, I prayed, I was thankful...I just didn't understand.

Little did I know, it was just a level. The older I got, the deeper the levels got.

During these times (and even now sometimes) I would get this feeling.

It's like I'm walking around in someone's dream. At any moment they could wake up and I'd be gone forever.

Ever have that feeling?

It's a horrible feeling.

But, it's only a level.

The cool thing about these levels (and those in the movies) is they are all connected.

Let me break it down. For example:

Level One: High school drama, figuring out college plans, growing up

Level Two : You're in college, getting a job, establishing career.

Level Three: You're engaged, getting married, thinking about kids.

Etc. etc. etc.

You get the point.

All of these separate levels are all continuations. They don't really change. You'll always have petty high school drama ("High school never ends, whoa-oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh"), you'll never truly know exactly what you want to do with your life, you'll never grow up, you'll always be working on your marriage, you're kids will always be growing up, etc.,

Each level, or milestone is your life.

Your life is the big picture.

Funny how that works, huh?

I wrote a post several months ago about the song "Where Are You Now?"
What an awesome song that is! I still get all kinds of melancholy when I hear it.
But the people that come into your life, even for a moment, make their mark on your life,
whether for the better or the opposite of better.
These people, unbeknownst to them, are not only taking part but impacting your life. Some in greater ways than you immediately recognize.
They're all a part of the different levels of your life.
I think the best part of knowing that all of these people will impact your life in some way,
is that at the same time, you are doing the same thing for them.
Is it for the better? Or the opposite of better?

So, I don't think this post has made any sense at all.
It was much more epic in my mind.
That happens a lot, though.
:)