Singing the same old song...

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger

And it's so quiet in the world tonight

Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming

So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light

To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret

I'd give all I have, honey

If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart

And no one will desert you

Just try to never grow up, never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies

And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off

At 14 there's just so much you can't do

And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots

But don't make her drop you off around the block

Remember that she's getting older too

And don't lose the way that you dance around in your PJ's getting ready for school

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple

No one's ever burned you, nothing's ever left you scarred

And even though you want to, just try to never grow up

 

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room

Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home

Remember the footsteps, remember the words said

And all your little brother's favorite songs

I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

 

So here I am in my new apartment

In a big city, they just dropped me off

It's so much colder that I thought it would be

So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up

I wish I'd never grown up

Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up

I could still be little

Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up

It could still be simple

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple

Won't let nobody hurt you

Won't let no one break your heart

And even though you want to, please try to never grow up

Oh, don't you ever grow up

Oh, never grow up, just never grow up

 

 

 

 

I've been searching for a reason

And I'm running out of time

I can feel that it's the season

It's time to make up my mind

And I can't really tell you what I'm gonna do

There are so many thoughts in my head

There are two roads to walk down and one road to choose

So I'm thinking over the things that you've said

Thinking over the things...

I'm thinking over

Thinking over

Thinking over

The things that you've said

And I'm thinking over

Thinking over

Thinking over the things...

Am I ready for forever?

Oh, God, show me a sign

'Cause if we're to be together

Then it's got to be divine

And I can't really tell you what I'm gonna do

There are so many thoughts in my head

There are two roads to walk down and one road to choose

So I'm thinking over the things that you've said

Thinking over the things...

I'm thinking over

Thinking over

Thinking over

The things that you've said

And I'm thinking over

Thinking over

Thinking over the things...

Father, which way should I go?

I cannot clearly see...

Thinking over

The things that you've said

I'm thinking over

Thinking over

Only you know if he's the one for me

I cant really tell you

What I'm gonna do

There are so many thoughts in my head

There are two roads to walk down

And one road to choose

So I'm thinking over

The things that you've said

 

Thinking over

Thinking over

Great Scott!!! I can't even begin to tell you how much of a horrible person I feel like. And why do I feel so crummy?

Because once again, I'm a stop sign, caught between a green light and a stop sign. I am so ready to get on with my life but I have nothing to get me there. I've been walking for miles. Just when I get to what seems like a promising destination, the door closes. So I keep walking. And I keep looking for those open doors. Sometimes I go through the doors, don't like what I see, and walk right back out.

The question is "Why don't I like I what I see?" Am I afraid I'm going to fail? Or am I afraid to succeed? Am I afraid of getting hurt? Or actually making a friend?

I'm just afraid. I don't know how things are going to turn out. And I get nervous that I won't be able to handle the results. I hate that.

Another thing I hate about myself is that I am way too over-analytical. (Is that a word?) I think things through over and over again before I make my decision. Then once the decision is made, I mull over that, too. So the next time I make a decision, I try not to think about it and I come to regret it immediately. What gives?! Some people make it look so easy. So why am I having such a hard time with it?
I never wanted to grow up. I mean, sure I had dreams and goals that could only be achieved as an adult, but I wanted to stay in the comfort of my childhood innocence for the rest of my life. Peter Pan is to blame for that one! Do you know how many times I watched that, sang those songs, and still...here I am, writing as a 20-year old... it's just not fair. :)

Maybe this doesn't make sense. Maybe it does. But I know for me, it's all too real and getting old fast. I'm tired of struggling and - though they deny it -disappointing my friends and family.

I just don't know.

Any advice?