My Pancake Life

I was reading old messages on MySpace and I found one from during our move to Apollo.

"I felt like my pancake life was just flipped and it wasn't done cooking...ya know?"

to which the other person said,

"You were flipped from one skillet on low to another skillet on high.
And now your burnin' up and ya need to get back into the skillet on low."

More than three years later, I still feel this way, but at the same time, I'm learning to just go with the flow.

I've given up on planning. At least for right now. Not because I'm bitter, but because I'm tired of being "all talk", ya know?

I think it's because of my insane need to control everything. I'm learning to let it go, but I will still be a systematical, over-analyzer that needs her ducks in a row.

I've changed. Ask anyone I know. But I don't know how or why. I mean, I am starting to see what they're talking about. I don't laugh very much. I'm distracted all the time, and I'm quiet. I've always been quiet, but I don't talk much at all anymore. I don't know why this is "happening" but it is. And it sucks. But at the same time, I'm almost always in a good mood. Sometimes it's "too good", ya know? Maybe it's a defense mechanism? Yeah, that's probably it.

But enough wallowing. I can apologize profusly for the next one hundred years, but that doesn't mean **** if I don't mean it enough to change. But I do. With everything I am. Patience, please...I'm going to need it. :)