Metaphorical Tugging of the Pigtails

When the subject of a casual conversation transitioned (to one of apparent regular occurrence), I quickly turned my attention with it to appear like I was interested. Little did I know just how involved I would be in this conversation. The opinions of the other person were not only random, but shocking, too, as they did not have any idea to whom we we were referring to. Having never met them, they already had opinions of this person and my relationship with them. "Every time they like or comment on your status, it's like pulling pigtails at recess."

Lady-I-don't-know-very-well-who-thinks-they-know-everything-because-they-stalk-my-Facebook-page say what?!

Hmm. So every male friend on Facebook that likes my status is in love with me? Good to know. And every female friend on Facebook is, like, my BFF? Wow. And here I thought I sucked at making friends.

The idea of Facebook being a playground where your pokes, comments, and likes are elementary forms of flirting is completely stupid. Forgive my opinions, but seriously? No, it's called having something in common, and acknowledging that similarity. If this were a face-to-face conversation, would it still be flirting? Okay, so maybe you would see it that way, but I assure you, it is not.

While the metaphor is rather hilarious, I have to disagree. :)

My Paper Heart: The Fourth Page

Beneath the sarcasm, quirky looks, and "whatever" attitude is an insecure girl that takes almost everything you say to heart. Whether it be positive or negative, I remember everything that is ever said to me. More importantly, I remember how it made me feel.


I had become very good at the whole "I don't need anybody" mentality. And then I realized - it sucked. I started opening up to people and before I knew it, I was making friends, having fun, and just a happier person. I think it's because we were always moving around, so it was easier on the heartache to just keep a distance as long as possible. Now that I'm letting that go, I'm loving it. :) However, I'm learning that being left is far worse than leaving. This year, everyone is leaving me. They have their reasons, and it's nothing personal towards me, but they have to do what's best for them. Will I ask them to stay? Not a chance. I am way too excited to see where their lives are taking them. My life is going places, too. Does that mean I'm not going to miss them? Of course not! But, I'm not going to sit around waiting for them to come back. This is the worst part about growing up. Everyone is going their own ways, and it's "natural", we're supposed to accept it... that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I am having a very difficult time dealing with the idea that in a few months, EVERYTHING will change. They will never be the same. And I don't like that.

My Paper Heart: The Third Page

Beneath the sarcasm, quirky looks, and "whatever" attitude is an insecure girl that takes almost everything you say to heart. Whether it be positive or negative, I remember everything that is ever said to me. More importantly, I remember how it made me feel.


Sensitive issue number three is my license. No, I did not get my license in high school. I had my permit, and hated driving so much, I never got my license. In December, I got my permit for the second time, and I have been relunctantly behind the wheel ever since. Sometimes I volunteer, whether I truly want to drive or just to get it over with. But most of the time, I'm forced to. And when I'm forced to do something I completely and totally hate, I get cranky like *snaps fingers* that! I get this "whatever" attitude, and that's a bad thing when you're driving a car. I get stressed, nervous, upset, and angry all at once... and it's very exhausting. I hate everything about driving, except the knowledge that I will have more freedom to be me and have fun, etc. And with Aislinn moving out in June, I'm screwed. I'm way passed the point of "let's just get this over with", but certain people don't think that's good enough. I'm not ready until I get my attitude in check. Wanna know what I'm so sick of hearing? "We all have to do things we don't want to." Uh, duh. I get that. I'm not nine. And, I'm not about to start behaving like it, either. I sincerely regret not getting my license five years ago. But, what's done is done. Just please, let me do what I need to do. My attitude can change, but not because you tell me to change it, but because I recognize that it has to. That's the way it works.

My Paper Heart: The Second Page

Beneath the sarcasm, quirky looks, and "whatever" attitude is an insecure girl that takes almost everything you say to heart. Whether it be positive or negative, I remember everything that is ever said to me. More importantly, I remember how it made me feel.


I think weight is a sensitive issue with everyone, but women especially. The awkward, clutzy "girly-girl" you know today used to be an athletic tomboy. I know what you're thinking: "SHUT UP?!" It's true. I played soccer (fall and spring), basketball, and softball every year. I was always doing something. When I made the decision to be homeschooled, all of those activities stopped. I slowly became inactive and eventually turned into the non-athletic person I am now. Then I fell, tearing all of the ligaments in my foot and ankle. I went through physical therapy, and was pretty much idle for a few months. I couldn't even walk up my street without severe pain and discomfort for several months. I gained 25 pounds with that injury. Ouch, right? Awesome. That stayed for a few years. Then, last summer, I developed what we now know to be "severe stress" symptoms. Even the smell of bread was nauseating. And then I lost 15 pounds in a month. I got stuck for a few months. Then the symptoms returned, and I lost another 5. Slowly (very slowly), I've lost about three more. I don't care if people haven't noticed. I have. None of my clothes fit me. Like, none of them. I'm digging through boxes of clothes that we thought we had donated to find ones that fit. And it's exciting for me! I bought my dress for Amber's wedding two sizes smaller than the one I bought for Aislinn's. I had four inches taken off of the waist on the one for Aislinn's. It's exciting. But, don't sit there and openly dispute my weight loss/gain. It's not of your business. I don't care if "it doesn't look like it" or you "don't believe it". My point: I don't talk about your weight, so don't talk about mine. I know what's going on. My doctor does. My wardrobe does. You're opinion just pisses me off.

My Paper Heart: The First Page

Beneath the sarcasm, quirky looks, and "whatever" attitude is an insecure girl that takes almost everything you say to heart. Whether it be positive or negative, I remember everything that is ever said to me. More importantly, I remember how it made me feel.

Believe it or not, a very senstive issue with me is my relationship status. I've never been caught up with having a boyfriend or getting all mushy over a guy. That's just not the way I am. Then, Aislinn got engaged. (I can't imagine being married at my age. The thought is almost repulsive. Why? Because I am not even close to being ready to being in that serious of a relationship.) I had to deal with the expected-but-not-acceptable comments, like, "How does it feel knowing your younger sister is getting married before you?" and "So, when are you getting engaged?" and, my personal favorite, "You're smart. You just stay away from men altogether, huh?" I'd laugh them off. Make a joke. Tell them the honest truth, that I'm just not ready. I thought if I waited it out, they would eventually end. And I was right. And then Amberlynn got engaged. And they started all over again. No big deal. I'd become a pro at handling them with wit and a smile. And when Amberlynn and Bryan decided to get married now, and have a ceremony in October, I thought, "Well, that's good. Getting it out of the way for right now... I like it." Boy, was I wrong. Now, keep in mind, the wedding was only a few hours ago, and I've already had it up to here (*swift motions above the head*) with comments. And there were only about 15 people there that gave a crap about my life. So, when it comes to questioning my relationship status: Whatever happens, happens. I'm not on the hunt for a husband. I'm just enjoying life and being 21. So, don't let your imagination get out of hand, okay? Oh, and I definitely don't want to be set up with your daughter's friend's cousin. :)

BlimeyCow Gets It Right.

I'm a big fan of blimeycow on YouTube. Jordan makes a short video discussing things like "how to be more than friends", "myths about homeschoolers", and "the three kinds of churches", and he's pretty spot on. Maybe it's because he's around the same age as I am, but I haven't completely disagreed with anything he's said. We need more people like him!

Around 3:10 in this video, he compares modern worship with hymns. And it's exactly what I've been saying for years!! I was told it was unusual for someone my age to feel this way towards Sunday worship, but here's proof that I'm not alone. Thank God!

I know now you're my only hope...

Sing to me the song of the stars, of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again. When it seems that my dreams are so far, sing to me all the plans that you have for me over again.

All women, despite what they may tell you, love at least one of Nicholas Sparks' novels. The first time I ever heard of Nicholas Sparks was when "A Walk to Remember" was released in theaters. I remember bawling my eyes out. I had no idea that every story he wrote would do this to me.

There's a scene in the movie where Jamie is singing to Landon in the school play. The song, "Only Hope" (also sung by Switchfoot, though falls short compared Mandy Moore's flawless voice) is a romantic ballad that is just... it's mesmerizing. The lyrics talk about the ups and downs of life being scary, but this one person, their 'only hope', makes it seem as though everything is alright.

To be only yours, I pray. I know now you're my only hope.

I guess it doesn't really matter if you are to them what they are to you. It's almost like you have a reason to keep going, whether or not you are their reason. You pray that one day you will be, but when it comes down to it, if you aren't, you'll be alright. That's how I see it. I've never been in love, but I'm sure it's the same as the whole give and take concept. They may not realize they've been giving you inspiration, but they keep doing it. You realize you are becoming a better person.

I only ask one thing: Thank them. They'll never know if you don't tell them. :)

I hate bullying just as much as everyone else.

But you can't fight fire with fire. It doesn't work like that. Lashing out at bullies saying "It must suck to be born without a heart" and "You must be sick in the head or have something seriously wrong with you" is not going to solve the problem. By saying those things, you're just as bad as them.

So, here's to you, Demi Lovato, for being one of those beloved celebrities who only get media attention for being able to talk out of both sides of their mouth.

Inside My "Tangled" Mind: Episode Two

The skies are dark, the constant threat of storms are heavy in the air. I wander into a boutique with my family. We are mesmerized by way the store appears to go on for miles. The endless racks holding what seem to be an infinite number of dresses are overwhelming. My sister tries on dresses. My mother assists her. My sister, a friend, and myself wait patiently for her reveal in the room. We notice a display of tiaras and veils, and, like any woman would, we find ourselves admiring their sparkly radiance. Our friend picks up a tiara and places it on my head saying, "This one was made for you!" I take a step back and pivot in the direction of the oval-shaped standing mirror. My eyes widen. My jaw drops. I catch my breath. It is surreal. I bring my hand to my head, smoothing my hair. I run my fingers over the rhinestones. I take a mental photograph to save for future reminiscing. I remove the tiara from my head and place it back on the table. It was that moment that I realized I was born to wear it.


I was born with blond hair. It was around age four when my parents cut my hair. Shortly after, my hair turned brown. It has remained brown for the last seventeen or eighteen years. An unfortunate truth about my hair is it grows at a very slow pace. It is exceptionally frustrating. It is not straight, it is not curly. It does not hold a curl made with a curling iron or rollers.


When I was born, my parents couldn't hold me for over a week. They tell me I was sick, but I have to wonder if I really was. Maybe, just maybe, if something else was going on. Perhaps a switch...


Have you figured it out yet?

These stories, along with the stories written here, I have come to the conclusion that I am the lost princess.

You're laughing.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to stop.

You know I don't believe in coincidence, so... how else do you explain it?

The Best Thing :)

This song can put me in a better mood almost instantaneously. It's so fun and catchy. It simplifies what might be complex emotions for some. And... it's so freakin' cute! :) How can you not love Relient K? So, I'm sharing the video and the lyrics with you. Have a fabulous Friday! :)

It's been a year
Filled with problems
But now you're here
Almost as if to solve them
And I can't live in a world without you now
All my life
I've been searching for you
How did I survive
In this world before you
Cause I don't wanna live another day without you now

This is the best thing
The best thing that could be happening
And I think you would agree
The best thing is that it's
Happening to you and me
All I'm gonna have
Is all that you can give me
And I'll give right back
Everything I have in me
Cause nothing ever felt as right
As this does right now
I'll go back to before we met
Try and erase the past
Try harder to forget cause
Nothing will ever be as good as here and now

Cause when I looked into your eyes
And you dared to stare right back
You should've said "Nice to meet you, I'm your other half"

Always knew
I'd find someone
I never dreamt
It'd be like this
You've surpassed
All that I've hoped for (and ever wished)
And I'm tryin'
So hard
With all my heart and mind
To make your life
As good as you've made mine