Big Girl Moments

Once upon a time, I was a faithful member of Twitter. I'd tweet quotes, lyrics, thoughts, or random moments from my day.
At one point, I found myself using the hashtag #biggirlmoments to describe certain situations that were forcing me to grow up. They weren't all uncomfortable, at least not as uncomfortable as I anticipated they would be. I knew I had to do it.

Over the past several months, I have faced several fears head on:

• Succeeding (failure is expected, succeeding is not)
• Being in front of a crowd (choirs helped so much)
• Having friends (and being one, at that)
• Feeling pretty (we've been over "the other sister" thing)
• Getting my license (I'm street legal, guys!)
• Taking the first step (whether it's initiating conversation or admitting I am wrong)
• Looking at things in a different way (I'm so grateful for the people that challenge me to look at things differently, even though I may not believe that way)
• Keeping my mouth shut (It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I'm learning that sometimes... it's just not worth it)
• Losing over thirty pounds (as of today... so excited! My bridesmaids dress needs taken in a few more inches. I guess five just wasn't enough. :P)
• Getting a credit card (how else am I supposed to earn credit?)
• Getting contacts (it's about time!)
• Having a job I love (I knew there had to be a reason for so many disappointments)

And do you know what? This is just since November. Overwhelming, much? It's awesome! I'm loving every minute of it! :) I get overwhelmed sometimes, but I am becoming the woman I'm supposed to be, the friend I need to be, and the daughter He created me to be. I'm being tested, challenged, and stretched, and it's exhausting (in all areas). But I am also being refined, renewed, and finding myself to becoming a better person. And that's what it's all about.

In case you didn't know.....

Sometimes I couldn't hear what
You tried to tell me
I thought that I knew all I need to know

I didn't understand that
The doors you would open
Could take me to somewhere
I wanted to go
I can be strong for you now
You taught me how

I learned from you that
I do not crumble
I learned that strength is
Something you choose
All of the reasons
To keep on believing
There's no question
That's a lesson
I learned from you
You know where to find all of my hiding places
And there are no secrets from you I can keep
You let me know how you feel
Pulling no punches
And I never knew that kind of honesty

I'm grateful for all of the times
You opened my eyes

You help me to stand on my own
And I thank you for that
It saved me, it made me
And now that I'm looking back
I can say

My Paper Heart: The Fifth Page

Beneath the sarcasm, quirky looks, and "whatever" attitude is an insecure girl that takes almost everything you say to heart. Whether it be positive or negative, I remember everything that is ever said to me. More importantly, I remember how it made me feel.

You're a person.

A person I know.

We have a relationship of some sort.

Some of you, it's sad to say, I cannot stand.

Like, I literally want to punch you in the face before you even speak.

Others, I respect more than anything.

There really is no "happy medium" for this.

Either I like you or I don't.

If I don't like you, chances are I've already told you. You just think it's sarcasm.

If I do like you, my fear of your reactions to my opinions and feelings is completely terrifying.

And I hate that.