The struggle to find inner peace with oneself is constant. It is daily, hourly, even every moment for some. The desire to be perfect, or somebody else's idea of perfect becomes an obsession. Negative thoughts, degrading comments, and objectifying slowly tear you down until you're lost with no hope in sight.
Maybe it's a few extra pounds or the fact that when you look in the mirror you only see your freckles. Maybe your hair is dark and curly when all you want is straight, blond hair. Your legs are too short, your toenails grow funny, and your voice sounds like you have a cold all the time.
Maybe it's not a physical insecurity, but a mental an emotional insecurity. Maybe you've been bullied, told you weren't going places. Maybe you were told your dreams were too big, meant for someone else. Maybe you've spent too many years hearing you could be better.
Maybe it's through comparison with cover girls and prom queens that leaves tears on your pillow from crying yourself to sleep.
Maybe you cant let go.
These are all lies. Lies that, for some reason or another, we believe so much that we end up hating ourselves.
Listen to me very carefully: Just because she's beautiful it doesn't mean you aren't.
We have a strong force driving us to believe we are less than adequate if our façade isn't seemingly perfect. We often forget there is a stronger force trying to tell us that we are enough. We are loved for who we are. We are loved no matter what season we are in. We are loved despite negative things from our past. We are loved because we are worth loving.
When my nephew was born, I learned a new kind of love. It sounds cliché, but it's true. This little man doesn't care if you have an ugly tooth or a bad hair day. His face lights up when he sees you. He doesn't know anything about you except that you love him, and he loves you right back.
All of those mistakes you've made, all of those hours you spent perfecting yourself - they don't matter. All of that time you spent hating yourself could have been spent learning to love even then most difficult parts of who you are.
I honestly wish I could see what other people see when they look at me. The way my parents and sisters see success when I've been unemployed or lost about what career path I should pursue. The way my family's help was an investment instead of a handout. When a child in the class I teach looks at me and says "Wow, you're pretty" as my stomach growls because I skipped breakfast when my pants wouldn't button.
Then there are times I don't wish I could see myself as others do. For the past few years, I have been the recipient of seemingly endless sympathies because my younger sisters were married and I was alone. I calmly replied to everyone with a smile and something along the lines of "I'm happy for them. I'm not ready to settle down." They'd smile half-heartedly while their minds raced with possible reasons why I wouldn't want to be a wife and mother yet. Isn't that what every girl dreams of? I'm sure there are a lot of speculations about my life as a single woman. They think I'm living a life that's somewhat unfulfilled because I'm "missing out". Apparently I'm not "living for anyone" so I'm lonely.
Can I just say one thing? I may not be living for a man or a child, but I am living for God and myself. I am finding out who I am with the knowledge that it doesn't come from loving someone, but loving yourself. I'm learning to see myself through God's eyes.
A scene I'll never forget from Bruce Almighty was towards the end of the movie. Bruce has been hit by a truck and is in Heaven talking to God about Grace. God asks him what he cares about most. "Grace," he whispers. When asked if he wants her back, Bruce says no. "I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now - through Your eyes." (click here for clip)
Learn to do that. Learn to see yourself how your parents see you, how your family sees you. Learn to see yourself through the eyes of your Creator. Learn to see just what an amazing person you are. God doesn't make mistakes. You are who you are for a reason. He made you on purpose. Why would you question that? Why would you doubt Him? God has given us all gifts, and sometimes those gifts include an appreciation for gifts others have. I am not artistic in any way that doesn't involve a coloring book and crayons, but I appreciate the artists who are confident in their gifts to share them with the world. I can't sing a note if my life depended on it, but I certainly appreciate the songs people sing. It's a cycle. Your gift, though it may seem miniscule compared to somebody else's, can be an inspiration to others. If you can't acknowledge your gifts, how can you share them?
So, when you're having a bad day, remember - "Know who you are, and know it's enough."
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