Same Mulder, Different Day...

Maybe it's other people's reactions to us that makes us who we are

Fox Mulder

 

 

 

The topics of my moral stance and beliefs have been the topic of discussion for years. I have strong opinions and I stand behind them. I almost always see things black and white. I think with my brain, listen to my heart, and trust my gut. An invitation to do drugs, smoke, or party is one I will always pass on. It doesn't matter how highly recommended they come, I don't read trashy novels. I don't appreciate a dirty or perverted joke. I would rather watch a Hallmark movie than most movies out today. I guess that's why people call me a prude.

Prude (prood) - noun

*a person who is excessively proper or modest in speech, conduct, dress, etc.*

*a person who affects or shows an excessively modest, prim, or proper attitude*

*worthy or respectable woman*

Recently, I referred to someone as a "douche bag". (Not my finest moment, but in all honesty, he deserved a much stronger term than that.) The complete shock on a few faces was unsettling. "Oh, Caitlin learned a new word!" they said, mockingly. "Caitlin's got a potty mouth!" 

If I'm being completely honest with you, I was offended. I have this good-two-shoes reputation that is constantly looked at negatively. Or at least it's vocalized negatively. 

Yes, I get offended when people use profanity, especially when they're hand-raising, amen-shouting members of my congregation, but that's my conviction, not theirs. So if I don't sing the curse words in a song or fail to find your dirty joke humorous, that doesn't mean I'm scared to let loose.

I get offended when people treat others disrepectfully. During my short-lived career as a waitress, I served many people I had gone to church with. And let me tell you, they are some of the rudest people. And because I knew they were proud members of their church, I was put off. The world is lacking respect in all areas, so if I show a little respect to someone - even if they don't deserve it - that doesn't make me a pushover.

I've mentioned my bullet-proof "case of emotion" before. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I have it in a bullet-proof case - you can see it, but you can't touch it. Over the past few years - this last year specifically - I'm trying to be more vulnerable. Im trying to be more loving and open to all of these "new" emotions. That doesn't make me weak. There's strength in vulnerability.

When it comes to entertainment, you can guarentee that if my 86-year old grandmother likes it, I will, too. Sometimes I read young adult fiction and get judged because it's juvenile. A good story is a good story, nevermind what section of the book store you buy it from. Wholesome, and sometimes cheesy storylines (also know as a "made-for-tv movie) are what fill up my Netflix queue. For example, "Letters to Juliet" is one of my all-time favorite movies. Not once do we hear a curse word or the mention of anything sexual. And, yet, it is one of my favorite love stories ever. It is proof that you can have a romantic comedy without innuendo and passionate affection. Does that make me foolish and naive? No.

I'm kind of a diva, according to my family and a few of my co-workers. I like wearing dresses and heels and make-up and dressy tops and scarves and accessroies and... well, you get the picture. It may come across superficial, but have you looked at society lately? If they're not in yoga pants and pajamas, they're scantily clad. So go ahead and make fun of my cardigans and sweater dresses, but I'm trying to respect not only myself, but the people around me, too. 

I like boy bands. Everyone knows that. On sunny days, I dig out 90s and 00s pop cds and jam. I'm still the proud owner of Jump5 cds. They're fun and remind me of my childhood. I guess I don't understand how my listening to Jesse McCartney one minute, and Steven Curtis Chapman the next gives you permission to judge me, but it's stupid. I appreciate a strong lyric, but I also like the senseless fun of the now seemingly crappy music I listened to ten years ago. If that makes you laugh, I'm glad I can help.

All of these things and more (even down to the color of my fingernails) have been the reason I'm still single. Or so I've been told by strangers and even family at times. Can I just say that if a guy is turned off by my taste in music or my modesty or even my convictions on abstinence, I don't want to date him either. I'd rather live a life I'm proud of than sacrifice my beliefs for one you think I should be living. So you met your husband online? That's great... for you. Maybe I'm too conventional, but I dream of finding the love of my life unexpectedly, not through a virtual Cupid. I'm trusting God and His plan for me with this subject and unless He tattoos it on my forehead, I will not look to a dating site for true love. I'm okay with where I'm at right now. You should be, too.

Believe it or not, I am actually uber sensitive. When I show it, I'm "dramatic", but when I'm indifferent, I'm bitchy. I'm generally quiet, until I get to know you. If I have my loud periods and then revert back to my shy demeanor, that's reason to jump to the conclusion that something is wrong. I'm bossy and I don't always think before I speak, but I know when to apologize and step back from the situation. I have very strong commitments to abstinence and my faith. I work hard for what I need, and if there is anything left over, then I get what I want. My parents sacrificed so much for me, I only hope to live in a way that makes them proud - that their sacrifices weren't in vain.

Audrey Hepburn had this uncanny ability to say exactly what I want to say.

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."

"The greatest beauty tip: For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her hands through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you will never walk alone. People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed, never throw out anyone. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others."

If all of this makes me a prude, then I accept it. I'd rather be a prude than the alternative.