Lately, the overwhelming reality that we cannot control any part of our lives, whatever they may be, has been a hard truth to swallow.
In the last several months, I've been heartbroken over the loss of loved ones. Family members, friends, miscarriages, and even a toddler, who fell victim to a tragic accident. People taken at different stages of life, but none we were ready for. They may have been, and honestly, I hope to find that peace someday, too. Reflection and contemplation only bring sadness and anxiety. Sadness for the future I may never get to have, the dreams I won't see come true, and the people I will never get to love. My anxiety is from letting the thoughts in the previous haunt me.
But, you know - I'm not only upset about how short life can be. What are we doing with our time? For me, I'm spending it bitter because of other people's decisions. Yes - you read that right. I am full of anger and resentment because other people made decisions that I not only disagree with, but had a negative impact on my life and my feelings. Because I'm letting their decisions eat at my heart and mind, I'm letting my mind tell my heart that I'm okay. The truth is, though, that I'm not alright. I know this. I see this. I'm working on this. It terrifies me, though. Not only am I realizing I cannot control my life, I have to accept the fact that I can't control anything anybody else says and does. I just can't. I don't want that burden, but sometimes it'd make life a whole lot easier. Nevertheless, this is my battle to fight right now. I am at war with myself and my resentment, and it's taking longer than expected. This is leading to frustration, which only fuels the bitterness. I look at the people who I let control my feelings with their lives all Facebook-picture-perfect and want to throat punch them. (I know what you're thinking - Jesus wouldn't do that, but He did overturn tables in a place of worship, so.... yeah. Haha!) I am not exactly the Duggar's number one fan (or three billionth, for that matter), but in light of recent headlines, I read a statement made by Joshua Duggar that said, "As I am learning the hard way, we have the freedom to choose our actions, but we do not get to choose our consequences." Am I the only one who said, "Ouch." when they read that? As much as I want to shout that from the rooftops and have it spray painted on my transgressors cars or houses, I felt like I needed to hear that for me. I need an understanding that we don't get to choose our consequences and we don't get to choose them for others. It's all up to Him.
We can plan. We can dream. We can have every good intention in the world. But the truth is we are not the playmakers of our lives. We cannot predict anything that can and will happen to us. We can only put our lives in the hands of the Father, and trust in His will. Our minds grow anxious. Our souls grow weary. Our hearts break, over and over again. Life is full of uncertainty, but resting in the Father's love? Well, that's the only place to be in these times.
Rest because He is God.
Rest because He is here.
Rest because He will hold you together.
Rest because you need... yes,
Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him.
Lay it down before you fall down.