Enemy,
I originally started this letter off with "Dear Enemy" but that seemed a bit too friendly. And I'm really not in the mood for formalities tonight.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of you.
Cunning.
Manipulative.
Deceitful.
Desperate.
Straight up evil.
I'm tired of you taking my thoughts and twisting them around.
I'm tired of you making me say things I normally wouldn't say, then filling me with shame as I beg forgiveness for my uncharacteristic behavior that hurt someone I love.
I'm tired of you pinning my family against each other on a regular basis.
I'm tired of you trying to divide us.
I'm tired of you attacking our health - mentally, physically, and spiritually.
I'm tired of you attacking the very space my parents worked so hard to make safe.
I'm tired of you attacking feelings and emotions that simply do not belong to you.
I'm tired of you filling up the hole I'm so desperately trying to dig myself out of.
I'm tired of you sparking arguments with something as little as a dirty look or word.
I'm tired of you bringing up past mistakes, flaws, and insecurities as if I don't already know about them.
I'm tired of you stirring hatred and discord.
I'm tired of you driving a wedge in every aspect of my life.
I'm tired of you draining every ounce of energy I have.
And I'm tired of letting you.
I'm tired of you stealing our joy.
I'm tired of you stealing our happiness, our security, our innocence.
I'm tired of you stealing our sense of purpose and pride.
I'm tired of you stealing our family.
I'm tired of you stealing our freedoms.
And I'm taking them back.
I'm tired of you thinking it's okay to keep a little boy awake all night long in order to make us less focused and negative the next day.
I'm tired of you thinking it's okay to use his innocence as a hindrance instead of the strength it is.
And I'm tired of you thinking it's okay to use a little boy like that - period.
I'm tired of you telling me I'm not good enough, or the person I think I am.
I'm tired of you telling me I am unlovable.
I'm tired of you telling me a church family isn't something I need or want.
I'm tired of you telling me that nobody cares.
And I'm tired of believing your lies.
I'm tired of you thinking it's okay to mess with us.
Because it's not.
You don't get a say in what happens here.
I can quote song after song, scripture after scripture, but it's really quite simple.
You don't win.
End of story.
You don't get my victories, and I'm determined not to let you get my defeats, because let me tell you something - I've just become your worst nightmare.
I'm a woman who has had enough. And not in the "I give up" kind of way. No, no... that'd be too easy. That would be exactly what you wanted. No, dear - I'm fighting you with the armor that my King has given me. And it just so happens that prayer is my strongest weapon. So get ready for a whole lot of plans backfiring because I'm not playing anymore. You have overstayed your unwelcome here.
*mic drop*